话中有话,听起来感觉刺刺的 - 被动攻击 Passive Aggresive

 有时候跟人说话突然觉得一个人的意思并不明显,别人吐出一句说起来仿佛合时宜可是听起来感觉被讽刺。 —— 被动式攻击

被动式攻击很长在华人社会里遇到,当它发生在言语沟通时,一句简单的话听起来感觉到被讽刺,可是又指不出那句话出现什么问题。那种仿佛常让人悬摆在半空中,下不来上不去,说不清楚自己对事物的理解处于什么状况。

举几个例子

1. 发生在一对情侣身上的:点餐记

两个在餐厅点餐时,A方说好随便点食物他都OK,可是A方是比较挑食的人。B方点了一道A方不太喜欢的食物,A都不说。当食物上桌了大家开始用餐时,A方就开始批评B不会点菜,点了那些难吃的食物,下次肯定不再让B点菜了。A纯粹想让B好受,因为B点了自己不喜欢的食物可是就不懂得说出来。

A可能被逼受委屈;B原本可以决定事情是否发展得顺利,可是B就不说而选择了用被动攻击。


2. 再来个例子:挂念记

A和B是夫妻。A工作繁忙,A告诉了B近日的时间表排得满满的。过了两天,B开始想念A,想A陪伴可是B不说,B以不回复讯息,不接听电话做回应。当A回到家也不理会的每一句问候以当作B对A的愤怒,B想让A承受自己负面情绪的后果。

A结果就处于不知情无缘无故下被对付。B就原本可以直接说“我想要你陪伴我”以避免更多的问题发生。

3. 话中有话

A和B是一起共事的好友。他们之间合作了好久,但是有时候还是会跟对方保持一段距离以免容易触犯到界限。A和B非常期待的一项计划里需要共同冒险处理一些项目,这项目不能够给少了其中一方的合作,项目完毕后的成果不太令大家满意。

A对B说下次要冒险我们应该先好好评估一下才行。策划项目的B听了心里不太舒服,就立刻回应A说,“怕失败就中断,别做了!”。A和B都知道双方都是互相需要,处理计划不可能少了一方,B以被动攻击让A闭嘴。

A的本意是想让双方事情从失败里吸取教训,B却误解了A,以为A是在责怪质疑自己的策划能力。


它是关系中的导火线

拥有被动攻击的人很难察觉自己有这样的问题,更甭说感情深厚的另一半可以察觉得出来。从情绪不成熟照顾者中成长的孩子更是容易出现这类型的问题,因为他们难以认识自己的情绪,难以习得自我认知的能力。

一段感情需要这三观维持长久

 何为三观?

1. 价值观

2. 人生观

3. 世界观


当情侣热恋的时候,若三观的不合并不会带来什么问题。在一段感情的开始,大家都会尽力找出共同点,若出现差异,这些差异并会被忽视,热恋感觉的强烈让人忽略了现实的维持情感条件的考量。

热恋时,这三观显得不重要。可是在进入婚姻之后,这三观会常常出现在各种生活细节里。

价值观

价值观可以笼统的概括为对金钱的看待、家务是否是等情况到了糟糕的程度才舍得动手还是固定时间会进行、对特定的事情拖延的状态、对如何好好利用时间的心态、再或者对玩乐的追求状态…… 这些价值观上弱出现的差异,将会折磨夫妻一直到没完没了。因为双方不会知道问题出现在价值观,并非是谁的方式比较对/错。

人生观

你想在自己的人生里有什么要求?
有的人看重自己的事业,有的则想安分守己过日子,有的得过且过没有坏事发生就好了……
婚姻关系面对现实的挑战时,一些琐碎问题需要由哪一方来处理没有确实的答案。
生活上会以这种观点为支柱,就是决定了一个人如何看到自己的人生和评断别人的为何/如何的方式。

冲突的发生会在人生观的差异而引发:
“算了吧反正自己都无法胜任,不必浪费精力” vs “事情很有挑战性,非把事情搞清楚解决不可!”

一方想呆在原地,另一方想正面应对问题。若这两个人在一起,两种处理方式的极端差异会造成让对方觉得不被重视,口角争议免不了让大家无法好好用自己最好的状态处理真正的问题。

世界观

有的人的世界观重,也有人害怕正面面对世界观。
没有共同的世界观,很难让两个人产生足够的共同话题和兴趣。
没有一块,夫妻两会常常遇到不懂如何跟对方说些什么事情。因为此观影响了事情理解得多远多宽多深入,交流细节时,如果对一个领域没有基本功难以搭得上话。
结果就演变成一种“说出来可能会让人心酸的事”,因为将会酿成“一方说,一方只能够以点头回应自己有在听”的局面。

尝试改变对方

已经是婚姻关系的人,尝试改变对方或许并非上策。如果一方不觉得有什么必要,另一方怎么努力追也无法做出什么改变,反而会让自己的付出过多而从期待换成怒气和无法挽回的压力。
试着沟通双方的界限或许是更好的选择!

如果还是在情侣关系中的人们,是否要进入婚姻关系就需要三思了。三观的不同的负面影响会在养育儿女时期更加剧烈的浮现在台面上。

婴儿喝完奶后溢奶与拍嗝

为什么需要拍嗝?

4-6个月前的婴儿吃完奶之后需要拍打嗝,让吃奶时吞下的空气排出来。


什么时候可以不拍嗝了?

当你的孩子可以3个月后,可以自行打嗝就可以慢慢不必拍了。


拍嗝需要排多久?

5 - 10分钟。


婴儿拍嗝时的姿势

婴儿坐在成人大腿上,让他的身体前倾,一个手支撑婴儿的下巴到胸前的范围(因为婴儿颈部无法完全支撑头的重量)。或者让他趴在自己的肩头,一手的胳膊支撑屁股。

另一个手掌的手指合起来并中间鼓起(像鸭子的头形)形成一个空心状,从背面中下方轻拍然后往上轻推。


注意:拍嗝完毕之后,放婴儿入睡时,需要让他侧躺睡,因为溢奶时,可以顺着嘴角流出来,避免如呛奶造成的危险事情发生。

What should Microwave beginner owner know!

 The list below is order by priority of importance, always beware the one listed at the top!

I as a microwave first-timer, I've learnt some lessons through the hard way, but I got lucky as thing didn't turn out to be disastrous.


Don't microwave egg if you are not sure! It can explodes inside your microwave

If you are cooking egg, must make sure you are not cooking the whole raw egg (no matter it's in shell or unshelled), the egg yolk inside look and feel soft, but it can explodes and shatter glasses utensil next to it. 

Same as above, but it can still explode outside (if it isn't explode inside the MW)

If get lucky, the egg yolk may not explode get too hot from MW, but it's a silent before the storm. The egg yolk can still explode after you open your MW door and thing can get messy or worse, it can seriously hurt you if you stick your eye looking into the cooked egg.

Reason: after MW-ing, the vibration that generating heat inside the food won't just gone missing instantly, some of it will remain for few more seconds and still able to heat up the food, and this is what can cause "food explosion" even after you remove the egg from your MV.

NEVER MICROWAVE WITH METAL

If you try, you'll see spark when you accidentally MW with metal, even a little metal. The spark could possibly become fire and turn your MW into firecracker show in your kitchen if you microwaving metal with highest power.

Not every glass made for Microwave cooking 

Yes, microwave cooking with weak glass can cause unwanted kitchen tragic. Not every glass made the same, you need to check if your utensil is "Microwave safe". 

I was so stubborn at this point, until I broke a few non-microwave safe glass cups and plates.

Extra personal note: Even though some plastic-made container labeled as "microwave safe", but I still believe glass-made container/utensil is still a healthier way to prepare your meal in microwave. We can't measure how much unknown plastic material has dissolved in the food consumed in the plastic-made container.

Speaking about glass-range container, Decor product has been my all-time favorite food storage container.

Microwave is for "Heating up" food, and less suitable for "cooking"

In short, you'll need an oven if you want to really cook a tasty food. You don't cook drumstick with MW, you roast it with oven where it generate and circulate heat around to cook it.

The concept of microwave is different, it use wave to vibrate water molecules in the food rapidly to generate heat. 
MW is exist to heat up your food quickly and so you can enjoy it within a few seconds to minutes.

Food become hard after microwaved

So just don't leave your food get cold again after MW cooked. As stated in the last point, once water molecule heated up and vaporised, the water is actually extracted from the food. A soft chicken would then easily turn into a piece of hard stone.


The video above is a good example of what could happen when you have not learned the concept of how microwave works (even instruction followed exactly without aberration).

In worst case, the baozi could start burning with real fire around it right inside your microwave.

Lower Quantity of Confirmed Covid Case Giving Us a false sense of hope

Since early this year, Malaysia quantity of Covid case has risen to highest 5k++ per day, the quantity of confirmed case has now marked lowest since the peak day of 5k++ cases.

But what does the lower number means to us?

The lower confirmed quantity of cases doesn't reflect the covid situation, and it does not show if the situation is improving. Since 16 Feb, quantity of covid tests performed has been become lower from 40k-60k to today's 27k per day.

Test quantity 40k++ since 16th Feb 2021


The quantity of confirmed covid case of 1,529 doesn't reflect if the situation is improving. The number can be obviously affecting the number of confirmed case outcome.

1,529 confirmed covid cases



From the tables below, today's infectivity rate of 5.5% is still about the same as in January where we had daily 3k above of confirmed cases. With this rate figure is a better way to get the public informed about the level of severity. People tend to feel relieved when they see the 1,529 figure while the severity remain the same as when we have daily confirmed cases exceed 3k.

Confirmed case (25th Jan - 14th Feb)


Confirmed case (18th Feb - 8th Mac)


Nowadays, vaccine has just arrived 2 weeks ago, vaccination has been started for frontliner, there is still a long wait before the public can get access get inoculated.

Nobody can clearly see who or which group of people get the vaccination first (we know those politicians has quickly get themselves inoculated with the 98% effective pfizer vaccine), and we the public could only know who get vaccinated from the news. For those aren't reported by the news media, nobody know how many vaccine left and how many are still not vaccinated yet.

No sign of action from current ruling party to make thing transparent...

However, all school has now mostly reopened, and I has no idea how they decide to reopen school while the daily confirmed case remain so high. There is no clear indicator showing us in regards to how is the vaccination progress doing... How many percent of Malaysian has been inoculated?

OK, now school reopened, parents are happy because their children can now leave them and they finally get to breath peacefully (phew... kid is annoying......?). Company start rushing employee back to work in the office. People tend have day out forming unnecessary crowd in the public in relief and believing arrival of vaccine solve the pandemic, treating it like pandemic has over.

The public hasn't been educated enough about what it means by "vaccine has arrived in Malaysia".

The public is concerned about not be able to get the pfizer vaccine, and they pray hard they are not getting the China vaccine, because they're not confident with it.

What has Perikatan Nasional done about this? 

Me as a normal citizen has no idea what this group of people are doing, all we all can see is they are siphoning resources off our tax payer pocket. For eg, able to go on-leave and fly to New Zealand for visiting family during travel restriction and full lockdown (MCO) where none can leave house more than 10km or be fined with RM1,000 (and RM10,000 starting 11th March), frontliner can't get on-leave to defend the covid tragedy.


55-days leave visiting children in New Zealand


心境先静一静

有时候,给自己一点喘息的空间,比一味咬牙硬撑更加健康。 当生活的压力让人动弹不了,可是地板上还散满了玩具, 在这时勉强自己在满腹情绪下去清理,只会让负面能量扩散到整个家。 我们究竟看重什么? 我们希望孩子从我们的内心挣扎中接收到怎样的讯息? 让客厅暂时凌乱不是什么大问题。 先停下...